sirisa clark

the things I do and the words I choose


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Quick off the Mark

It’s race day in T – 10 hours. I should probably be asleep.

I went for a little practice run again last night – 3k at a slow steady jog so I didn’t exhaust myself. I have to say that I felt pretty good during the run, and absolutely fantastic afterwards. I can see how people get addicted to this exercise business!

I’ve been reading a blog called Bucket List Publications (one of these days I’ll write a Bucket List, or a Mighty Girl-style Life List. It’s totally on my to-do list…), and I was struck by how often the author carried out an idea or plan shortly after hatching it.

For me, deciding to do this charity run was a totally spur of the moment decision, and it’s been fantastic. I’ve raised nearly £100 for a cause I care strongly about in under a week, I’ve found a new focus and motivation for getting off my arse, and ridiculous as it sounds, I’ve spent the week on a rollercoaster of apprehension, anticipation, fear, excitement and self-doubt, and ultimately self-confidence.

Contrast that with my intention to do a PhD and become a lecturer, an idea I hatched nearly four years ago and which got off to such an excellent start with my MA. Funnily enough it has involved much the same range of emotions, but increasingly spiralling into apprehension and self-doubt.

If my initial schedule had gone to plan, I would have gone straight from Masters to PhD, and be finishing my doctorate in a year’s time. Instead I procrastinated, postponed, prevaricated, and now I find myself at a point where I want to travel, study, buy a house, have an awesome career and start a family ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

 

Aaaand that all got a little too heavy too quickly. Point is, sometimes spontaneity pays. And sometimes you just need to go to bed and get some sleep before the big race.

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Dream Job

My career aspirations over the years have varied wildly – from street sweeper (I wanted to make the world a more beautiful place, and also sweep up autumnal leaves) to US President (what do you mean they probably won’t take a British Australian national born in Zimbabwe? What if I brought my own rake?)

I think that all told, my ultimate job would be a cat. I’d be really good at it too! I’d make an amazing cat. In the manner of the most effective job applications, I have mapped my personal skills and qualities against what is required of the role:

Ability to sleep 16 hours a day – anywhere, anytime

I have this one down pat. I used to get home from school, drink a cup of coffee, and pass out on the sofa for 4 hours before bed. I have slept through three consecutive 9 hour flights. I have slept from one end of the Victoria line to the other. I have snuck off at weddings for a quiet siesta, and dozed through death metal bands at Wembley.

My personal best is 16 straight hours of sleeping, but I think everybody has space for development in their careers, and pushing that record forward is a challenge I’m keen to take on.

Just give me a minute… I’ll… zzzzzz

Adorability

I have been adored, more than once in my life, and have sought on many occasions to foster this feeling in others. The most relevant example from my recent career history is Ben, who adores me enough to marry me, which I think is a pretty strong indicator of my skills in this department.

Altogether now, awwwwww

Receptiveness to Stroking

I cannot stress enough how much I love to be stroked, and how persistent I am in seeking out opportunities to get stroked. If you need somebody on your team who can hassle someone until they get a pet on the head, I’m your girl. Cat. Girl.

I am also very cuddly and snuggly, and less inclined to switch on you than most cats.

Yes that’s it! Right under the chin… purrrfect

Ability to Purr

This kind of goes hand in hand with the previous point, but rest assured: I can do this. I would be happy to demonstrate these skills at interview.

A Certain Aloof Quality

Many of my close friends have commented that in the early stages of our friendship I came across as ‘stand-offish’, and I think I have a real skill in reticence towards new people that makes me ideally suited to executing the kind of cold shoulder only a cat can pull off.

Fuck you gold scarf, you don’t know me

Bottomless Desire for Food

Over the past 9 years I have trained my Human, er Husband, to respond to non-verbal demands for food, culminating in a simple mouth open, finger pointing gesture that has been known to summon hot chocolate, slices of cake, and yummy yummy fish pies. Like most cats, I have a total disdain for catfood. It smells like arse.

What the hell is this? Where’s the filet mignon?

Ability to React to the Slightest Noise

I am a naturally skittish person, and have spent many a sleepless night twitching at the sound of the fridge whirring. My most recent accomplishment in this area was two nights ago, when Ben’s toe brushed mine as I started to doze. My half-sleeping brain was convinced a spider had run across my foot, and spent the next ten minutes a gibbering mess.

Natural Grace and Athleticism

Erm….

So, that is my application for the post of Cat. If anybody would like to hire me for this position, I would consider a starting salary of £40,000 (this is a dream job after all) but am open to negotiation. As is customary in the terms for this kind of position, I reserve the right to disappear at night and for days on end, suggesting I potentially have a second home (I do, it’s here with Ben).

Job offers can be left in the comments below. For now, I leave you with 4 minutes of cat magic: