I went for it – I made the apple tart.
Step 1: thinly slice your apple. Discover apples are a bastard to slice thinly, due to slippery nature of a sphere.
Step 2: Remember to turn the oven on.
Step 3: Toss apple slices in lemon juice, brown sugar and cinnamon.
Step 4: Wonder where the hell your only baking tray is.
Step 5: Find it in the oven. Decide the oven hasn’t been on long enough to heat it.
Step 6: Find out you are wrong. Run burnt finger under tap.
Step 7: Spread ready-made puff pastry sheet on baking tray. Hope it hasn’t been sitting in fridge too long and lost all its puff.
Step 8: Pause periodically to take photos for blog. Wonder how other bloggers a) have patience to stop in the middle of everything to take photos, and b) do absolutely everything in life beautifully lit in natural daylight.
Step 9: Decide apricot jam would make a good glaze and smear all over pastry, right up to edges.
Step 10: Carefully lay out apple strips in long thin lines fanning across each other.
Step 11: Find there are many strips of apple left. Try to smoosh them in without messing up attractive pattern. Find yourself tucking apple slices under each other, and wonder when your life got weird.
Step 12: Pop that shizzle in the oven!
Step 13: Remember you need to take a photo for your blog. Pull that shizzle back out again.
Step 14: Cook for 10 minutes.
Step 15: Check on tart, find pastry is not puffing. Cook for a further 15 minutes.
Step 16: Check tart again. Find pastry is still not puffing, but there is a mild smokiness going on. Unsure whether the pastry really was too old, or the jam glaze hampered puffing, but decide it’s definitely time to take it out.
Step 17: Husband arrives home conveniently just as you are slicing up the tart. Resign self to having to share.
Step 18: Serve, with a generous splodge of Greek yoghurt!